This COVID-19 pandemic has strengthened some relationships and put a strain on others. In stressful situations, it is very common to lose once patience and temper. There might be times when it doesn’t work out and you get into an unforeseen situation that suddenly turns disgraceful. This may sometimes result in burst of negatively charged words, physical acts of violence, and even self-isolation.
There are things you can do in order to turn that sadness upside down to strengthen your bond with your loved ones.
Every relationship is unique and is based on different values. However, there is one thing that is common in every relationship: mutual respect. Whether your relationship is thriving or in shambles, these tips can help you go easy in all states while maintaining mutual respect.
- Welcome the Elephant
Shyness could be a real culprit. It is not unusual for people to shy away and avoid each other in relationships. These kind of behaviors go all the way back to childhood and the attachment styles that we bring into adulthood. However, this behaviour usually doesn’t help you build the kind of relationship you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a relationship where you can be yourself, then you have to welcome the elephant.
What do I mean by this?
Literally what it sounds like. Welcome the elephant in the room, acknowledge it, and discuss it.
If you are too shy, it may seem like the hardest thing to do, however, giving it a try usually worth it.
How can you welcome the elephant?
It’s a lot simpler than it sounds – through appreciative communication!
What is appreciative communication?
Appreciative communication is basically the act of recognizing what the other person has to say to you. Listening to your partner carefully and responding back to him/her with their own words will help you foster a much healthier relationship. At times when you feel your partner has achieved something significant, do not forget to appreciate him/her in a way they understand. That means understanding what your partner’s love language is.
Learn to pick your battles
Learning how to pick your battles will save and strengthen your relationship. Let’s say you and your partner start having a discussion on a sensitive topic and it starts getting heated. As the argument heats up, you may feel the urge to give a petty response because your ego feels threatened. Under these situations, take a deep breath and step back. You can also practice the 5-5-7 breath technique to calm your parasympathetic nervous system. Your parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for your fight, flight, or freeze response.
Re-evaluate the situation and think twice before you respond. We can win every battle, but we can make sure that we pick the best ones and ignore others that could potentially damage the relationship.
It takes 100 ‘you’re awesome’ to wipe away 1 ‘you suck’.
Being mindful during every single discussion you have with the person that you love, will really help move the needle in a way that strengthens and helps your relationship last. Don’t forget, words hurt… Think about what you want long-term with the people that you’re having that discussion with. Think about all the good times you guys have had together, the great memories you guys have created.
In these kinds of situations, its always best to not say anything if we don’t have anything constructive to say. Constructive, not good… constructive. We can give constructive criticism to our partners as long as we acknowledge and address their feelings FIRST. This will make them a lot more receptive.
If you can say something constructive right off the bat, then practice the 5-5-7 breath and step back.
Struggling to stay mindful and not give a petty response?
Reminisce on all the good times and the reason why you decided to partner up with that person in the first place. In every relationship, there’s times when you fall in love with your partner for the first time; that first spark that initiated the waterfall of emotions. Recall the special attributes that made you fall in love or that one turning point that made your bond a special one. Are there any gifts that you bought for him/her when you first met? What reactions did you have on your faces when you found you were going to get along for a long time? Was it the smiling face of your partner that made you attract each time you were together or a journey together to an area that you remembered to this day? Recollecting special moments will often bring you closer, making your bond even stronger.
Speak out your desires
Everyone has certain expectations, which only a partner can understand and fulfill. Speak out what you have in mind, but always do it mindfully. Do you have many things to be spoken out to your partner? Ask your partner to give you their undivided attention. Do you have loads of things to do this weekend? Ask your partner to oversee a certain chore for you as you have a lot on the plate which can’t be accomplished without assistance. It is always better to speak out upfront than to bear frustration later and even lash out due to not dealing with the elephant in the room. Over time, if your needs are not communicated, anger and resentment can build up which can spoil your relationship.
All in all, if you are in a relationship, it is always advisable to remain calm and share your feelings with one another. Being vulnerable seems extremely hard sometimes, but that vulnerability is what is going to bring you and your partner(s) closer. Communicate wisely and set high standards for each other since the beginning. Prepare yourself to be your best self yet not accept hurtful behaviour from each other. In case, you get into a dispute abruptly, be wary of the words you say to one another. Successful couples have learned how to withdraw an argument, change the topic to something funny, demonstrate genuine care, or by being in harmony with one another accepting them at the point of life they’re at. Practice this, and you will be on your way to a happier, healthier relationship.
Let me know in the comments below what you thought about this blog! What have you done to strengthen your relationships!
See you in the next blog!