The Importance of Understanding Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage, what is it?

I’ve underestimated the power of mental patterns of self-sabotage. These ungodly patterns of destructive thoughts that just go on and on even when good things are happening in your life. 

It seems like these though patterns just want to fuck up with my discernment during these trying times.

COVID-19 seems to be doing it’s thing as we patiently wait for an uncertain outcome. Either we watch it spread, kill a couple of humans, and have a couple of humans get sick, or we watch it fade out with little consequences into the endless roll of time. 

Despite all the work that I’ve put into having the best intimate relationships I can with the people that matter to me, it always seems like there’s this little destructive fucker in my mind trying to jack shit up. 

That moment when conversations are going great, people in your life are damn amazing, and yet some part of you brings up emotional memories from childhood followed by self-destructive thought patterns. 

Let me give you an example… 

The relationships I have in my life are amazing.

However, I find myself drowning in self-sabotaging mental patterns whenever I feel that I can’t fully give to others. 

Let’s say that I want to be able to engage in a boot-camp like activity with someone that matters to me like my boyfriend or my parents. 

As soon as there is something that may hinder that engagement like a torn muscle, my mind immediately goes to “THEY’LL ABANDON YOU. THEY WON’T LOVE YOU. STOP BEING SELFISH…” and it keeps going in a crazy-ass mode for a while until I’m able to breathe, gather my thoughts, understand that this is not a normal thought pattern and move on. 

How do I know this is not a normal thought pattern? 

Because I ask myself… 

“Why am I feeling this way?”

“What past emotional experience is triggering this mentally self-sabotaging thought pattern?”

“Where in my childhood did I experience a similar emotional experience?”

So, I start to navigate my past emotional experiences and I’m able to see exactly how they come to play in my present life. 

I see how these self-sabotaging patterns are coming to play when certain things happen. I was able to identify the triggers

I suggest you do the same if you find yourself in mentally self-sabotaging thought patterns. 

Find the triggers, as the questions, assess the situation, and see how can you move forward from that. 

I also realized that these patterns come into play any time that I have to allow myself to fully receive from others

I’m a giver at heart. I love to give, give, give to others.
BUT, if I only give, I close myself off to the entire cycle of giving-receiving. They both depend on each other to exist. 
So I’m working on allowing myself to receive from others not only with open arms but with an open mind because receiving doesn’t mean losing my independence. 

Losing your independence, Steph? WTF.

YES! MY specific situation is tied up to me thinking that if I allow myself to receive fully from others I will lose some of my independence so the mentally sabotaging thought patterns kick in. 

None of it is rational. Only by allowing ourselves to fully give and receive will we be able to step into abundance in all parts of our lives. 

Every day that goes by, I open myself up to more abundance. 

I’m opening myself up more to receiving unapologetically because we exist, as humans on this planet, to HELP EACH OTHER THRIVE. TOGETHER we thrive. 

So… what IS the importance of understanding when you’re self-sabotaging? 

When we understand that we’re self-sabotaging, we’re able to rationally assess the situation in a way that allows us to KEEP MOVING FORWARD and breaking that mental cycle of self-sabotage so we can achieve the things that we want in life. 

Do You Struggle with Self-Sabotage?

So I ask you right now, dear reader, do you struggle with self-sabotage in areas of your life? Do you now understand the importance of identifying and working through self-sabotage? 

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! 


  1. Sonia Roman at 5:11 pm

    Me impresionó mucho, es muy cierto y sino lo leo no le doy pensamiento a ese escrito sigo mi vida sin timar en cuenta eso que dices. Te felicito 🙂

  2. Sonia Roman at 5:19 pm

    En el comentario que escribí hace unos minutos debe leer sin tener en cuenta en vez de timar en cuenta. 🙂 Leer ese post sobre Self savotaging me vino muy bien en estos momentos de mi vida… Gracias Steph 🙂

  3. chirpybrains at 1:19 pm

    We often tend to go in self sabotaging mode when things go wrong and we can’t control them. Very nice article, thanks for sharing.

    1. Pempi at 5:37 pm

      Exactly! You’re welcome. 😊

  4. momelite2 at 6:02 pm

    I absolutely tend to self-sabotage in certain areas of my life. I’m working to avoid it.

    1. Pempi at 9:11 pm

      Excellent! Recognizing it is the first step! 🙌 I honor you for it.

    2. Pempi at 9:03 pm

      That’s great 😃!

  5. Brandi at 8:05 pm

    Very interesting! I’ve never thought about it like this before.

    1. Pempi at 9:12 pm

      Thank you! 😊

    1. Pempi at 12:24 am

      Yaay!! You’re welcome! 😊

  6. Casey at 12:34 pm

    Interesting article. Whatever reasons, you should always take it easy and not to rush into anything non-rational. Take a deep breath and think it through.

    1. Pempi at 4:34 pm

      💯 That’s right, Casey!

  7. Wendy Gratzer at 3:29 pm

    Wow! I tend to be the queen of self sabotaging. Thank you for pointing out how to understand it.

    1. Pempi at 3:52 pm

      You’re welcome! I’m glad this has been helpful. 🙂

  8. at 4:42 pm

    This is a great reminder! sometimes I’m self sabotaging without realizing that I’m doing it.

  9. Prakhar Kasera at 5:48 pm

    I have never really tried self sabotaging, or may be would have done unknowingly. Have got some really good notes on self sabotaging though.

  10. SiennyLovesDrawing at 11:27 pm

    very true & great life reminder, often we dont realise that we are self sabotaging ownself
    Great point out, thanks!

    1. Pempi at 9:49 am

      Thank you! You’re welcome. 🙌

  11. Strongerbynature at 2:16 am

    I am a self sabotager and just recently came to this realization. It’s something that i strive to work on more and more everyday because I block my own blessings.

    1. Pempi at 9:49 am

      Keep working on it! I’m cheering for you! 💪

  12. Raksha Nagaraj at 2:24 am

    Yup I self sabotage in certain situations. I am trying my best not to, and I know I will eventually get to that point. Thanks for this nice article, I can relate to many things.

    1. Pempi at 9:51 am

      Excellent! You’re welcome! You’ve got this! Keep at it. 🙌💪

  13. amayszingblogs at 6:21 am

    I agree with this word ” THEY’LL ABANDON YOU. THEY WON’T LOVE YOU. STOP BEING SELFISH” I stop self sabotaging myself when I realize I’m wasting my time for nothing keep it forward and more focus about achieving your goals.

    1. Pempi at 9:53 am

      Loving this! So true! Thanks for sharing!

  14. Veronica at 1:07 pm

    Amazing read. I think it’s important to be aware when you’re sabotaging yourself because truthfully, it happens a lot.

    1. Pempi at 2:29 pm

      Thanks, Veronica!

  15. thesinnerjournal at 1:50 pm

    I completely agree with everything said above. Great article!

    1. Pempi at 2:31 pm

      Thank you!

  16. Jessica Lathrop at 4:51 pm

    This is a great article! Definitely caught myself with some fear-driven behaviour this week, so it was great to read this. Thanks!

    1. Pempi at 2:33 pm

      You’re welcome! I’m so glad it is useful for you.

  17. Michele @ ourredonkulouslife at 11:44 pm

    It took me years to realize I was self sabotaging. Now that I am older I see all the things I was doing. This is a great article that could have helped me many years ago.

  18. DenverPainters at 6:44 am

    Positive thinking eliminates self sabotaging, as had to find all that on my own several years ago. Self pity is something no one else wants to hear, so changing my interactions to more involved with others than myself was the quickest cure.

    1. Pempi at 1:07 pm

      That’s awesome that with time you found ways to manage your self-sabotaging ways! Kudos!

  19. Katherine at 2:02 pm

    It is hard to recognize when you have self sabotaging pattern in your life. I do and work actively to be able to overcome them. Love you article, really well written.

    1. Pempi at 11:48 am

      Thank you!

  20. Porshaa | Lifetimeinflux at 2:33 pm

    Thank you, this is a good reminder in such a critical time in our lives. Its Great Article as well, enjoyed reading it. I completely agreed with. everything you have mentioned. I definitely have self-sabotage before, and it a good lesson that i have learnt.

    1. Pempi at 11:50 am

      You’re welcome! I’m so happy you’ve been able to learn from that!

  21. Kimberlie at 7:51 am

    Your post on self sabotage resonated with me. I don’t see it as much in relationships, but definitely see it with goals and professional pursuits. I guess fear if failure or imposter syndrome comes into play and I find ways to undermine my efforts. Thanks for shining a light, so I can be more aware of this pattern moving forward.

  22. Ethne Tierney at 1:32 pm

    This blog is just what I need in my life right now! Super smart tips!!!

    1. Pempi at 5:36 pm

      Excellent! I’m glad it’s useful for you. 💕🙌

    2. Pempi at 12:33 pm

      Thank you!!! 🤩🙌

  23. Art by Kelly Ann at 12:36 pm

    I do have problems with self sabotaging but I am working on this right now.

    1. Pempi at 1:57 pm

      Awesome! Message me if you’d like some help with that! You’ve got this! <3

  24. Lisa Alioto at 12:41 pm

    I like to think I’m pretty good in this area unless I am being personally attacked. THen I tend to obsess, unreasonably worry, etc…

    1. Pempi at 1:57 pm

      :O Interesting! Why do you think that is?


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