I’ve underestimated the power of mental patterns of self-sabotage. These ungodly patterns of destructive thoughts that just go on and on even when good things are happening in your life.
It seems like these though patterns just want to fuck up with my discernment during these trying times.
COVID-19 seems to be doing it’s thing as we patiently wait for an uncertain outcome. Either we watch it spread, kill a couple of humans, and have a couple of humans get sick, or we watch it fade out with little consequences into the endless roll of time.
Despite all the work that I’ve put into having the best intimate relationships I can with the people that matter to me, it always seems like there’s this little destructive fucker in my mind trying to jack shit up.
That moment when conversations are going great, people in your life are damn amazing, and yet some part of you brings up emotional memories from childhood followed by self-destructive thought patterns.
The relationships I have in my life are amazing.
However, I find myself drowning in self-sabotaging mental patterns whenever I feel that I can’t fully give to others.
Let’s say that I want to be able to engage in a boot-camp like activity with someone that matters to me like my boyfriend or my parents.
As soon as there is something that may hinder that engagement like a torn muscle, my mind immediately goes to “THEY’LL ABANDON YOU. THEY WON’T LOVE YOU. STOP BEING SELFISH…” and it keeps going in a crazy-ass mode for a while until I’m able to breathe, gather my thoughts, understand that this is not a normal thought pattern and move on.
How do I know this is not a normal thought pattern?
Because I ask myself…
“Why am I feeling this way?”
So I ask you right now, dear reader, do you struggle with self-sabotage in areas of your life? Do you now understand the importance of identifying and working through self-sabotage?