Being cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings people can feel in a relationship.
I remember finding myself in a very troublesome relationship. The passion was there, but many things went as wrong as they could.
My then-partner ended up hitting up other girls to cheat on me because he thought I was sleeping around with my bros. (dude friends). My bros are my homies, I would never do such a thing. When I commit to a relationship, I commit 100%!
This was the second time he broke up with me and my silly ass said yes when he wanted to get back together with me. This relationship was full-on toxic and emotionally destabilizing.
After getting back together, not much passed until he started emotionally cheating with his now-wife and eventually dumped me in the coldest and cruelest ways I’ve experienced.
The rest of the relationship’s toxicity is good for another, post, not this one. I’ll tell you more about it later. 🙂
It always takes two to tango. So, after that relationship, I found myself going through the grieving process of loss and while doing so I kept asking myself what exactly did I contribute for all of this to happen.
Whether we’d like to admit it or not, we always play a role that leads to the decline or the rise and stability of our relationships. The best part about this nugget of truth is that we can definitely do something about it.
If I’m the problem, then I’m also the solution.
I constantly repeat that to myself because I’m always something that I can change.
I can control my behavior.
I can control my emotions.
I can control my decisions, so I will focus on the thing that I can truly control.
During my reflection, I had to really dig deep and learn more about my behavior and my partner’s behavior so I can learn from my past experiences and move on.
I’m here to share both the insights of years of research and self-reflection on Why People Cheat, What it Takes to be Faithful, and How To Spot a Potential Cheating Partner so keep reading.
Why People Cheat
You may have heard a whole bunch of different explanations to this:
Narcissist, selfish, asshole, psycho, among others.
What do all of these reasons have in common?
That the cheater valued personal gratification more than the intimacy in the relationship.
If a partner has a satisfying intimate relationship, and by intimate, I mean the emotional closeness between partners, then they won’t cheat.
If a person values the personal gratification they get from cheating way more than the intimacy in the current relationship, then they will cheat.
BUT, How Can I Spot a Potential Cheating Partner?
Cheaters usually have characteristics that are red flags that we initially find them attraction. They can be go-getters. However, there’s a fine line between conscious go-getters, and impulsive go-getters.
A conscious go-getter is a person who works to get the things that they want in life making sure their actions don’t hurt the people they love.
An impulsive go-getter is a person who works to get the things that they want in life, but don’t really care much if their actions screw others in the process.
Those are the people you have to watch out for.
I’m not sure if you’re a fan of psychology, but I’ll use a well-known psychology experiment to give some perspective on the issue.
A couple years ago, there was a study with children. The children were offered 1 marsh-mellow now, or 2 marsh-mellows after the researchers come back.
The kids who struggle with delaying gratification took the first marshmellow.
The kids who didn’t have impulse problems delaying gratification were able to wait and get two marsh-mellows instead of one.
That’s the kind of person you want to be searching for.
A loyal partner is a partner that can delay gratification because the intimacy they have with you is greater than the personal gratification cheating can give them.
So, What Does it Take to be Faitful?
- Your partner must be able to delay gratification.
- Your partner should value intimacy in your relationship than personal gratification.
- Your partner should be mature enough to efficiently deal with impulse control in a way that it doesn’t harm you.
Let me know in the comments below if this blog was helpful for you.
Have you dealt with cheating partners in the past?
The Backbone of Faithful and Loyal Relationships
Hold on tight because this is a very sensitive topic.